Is it the time of year? Is it because its nearly my birthday?
I don’t know why, but I’ve been feeling really nostalgic today – I woke up at about 6 am and was just thinking about all the choices, all the decisions I have made in my life. For some reason they were all bubbling up in my head, in crystal clarity. I know they say it’s bad to ruminate, but it actually felt quite soothing; I wasn’t feeling bad about past decisions, even though some of them were unwise, it was more that I was just considering them, turning them over in my head and looking for ways to learn from them, to better tackle decisions and choices of the future.
I thought about friends I have lost touch with, and why – should I have tried harder to hold onto people? Or was it the right time for them to exit my life? I thought about all the time I spent when I was younger, studying things I wasn’t that interested in, and I wish I had had the understanding I have now, of myself, and so I could pursue the things I was really interested in, although digital design was in its very early days when I went to college, so it would have been harder to articulate the career I have now. And perhaps, if you believe in fate, all of the experiences I have had, and all the life I have lived up until this point, were necessary for me to reach the conclusions I now reach. Perhaps, starting out with the knowledge I have now, I would have taken an entirely different path, and inevitably reached a different destination.
If there were any life lessons I could take from these musings, it might be: to drink less alcohol, and spend more time and energy on the people I love. To stop wasting time worrying about whether people like me, or whether I am doing a good job. To not worry about failing, just do. Specializing in one skill will earn you a lot more money than being half good at a dozen or so, its just the way our society is designed. All that really matters is loving yourself, loving your friends and family, or whoever is important to you, and living a good life (by which I mean, being a good person, not reaching a level of personal luxury).
There you have my musings for the day, I hope they make you feel thoughtful, and look inwards for a little while.